“Moving backwards, hurt comes after / Healing doesn’t happen in a straight line
Moving onwards, feeling strong, but / Healing doesn’t happen in a straight line”
Lyrics to “Justified” by Kasey Musgraves
At a Laguna Beach Business Club meeting a couple of weeks ago, a fellow member, in commenting on how healthy I looked said, “… You just bounced right back!” I laughed and told her it depends on the day. Appearances can be deceptive. I’m learning my limits. I’m learning that one does not bounce back from Stage IIIC endometrial cancer, major surgery, and chemo and radiation treatments in just a few months. But I’m much further along than I was a few months ago.
Loving my warm welcome back with co-worker Danielle, who decorated my office.
I returned to work on October 4th after an eleven-month medical leave, working part-time and mostly from home. I was ready to work again, but wasn’t anticipating that even a partial day at the office could be so draining, leaving me with just enough reserves in my tank to take care of Samantha Jo, the cottage and myself in the most basic of ways. The vim and vigor I had to do those things that fuel my soul (volunteer work for The Blue Bell Foundation, working on my children’s book publishing efforts, walks along the beach) before I returned to work were gone. Yet, it felt good to be productive, earning a paycheck again and having a daily routine. I am grateful for that, and have accepted my temporary limitations. I’ve had to incite self-discipline on many occasions—saying, “no can do”. But it’s paying off. I’m adapting to my new schedule and my strength and stamina are slowly creeping back. It feels good to run a couple errands at the end of the day and have a little fun on the weekends without feeling completely wiped out.
Me at the office; Samantha waiting for my return…
Samantha, my executive assistant.
And I also have the emotional and mental strength it takes to take care of Samantha who is also going through her own healing journey. She was diagnosed with a medium sized bladder stone in October and responded well to an herbal supplement, Break It Up! by Natura Petz Organics, which breaks down bladder stones. I was over-the-moon thrilled to see her kitten-like behavior return, and the best indicator of healing—no blood in her urine for almost two weeks! Then external forces triggered high-anxiety in my cat-child. A roaming neighborhood kitten who got too close to the cottage for Samantha’s comfort, a cat fight one night in the crawl space under the porch, the thumps and bangs of debris hitting the roof caused by harsh winds all happening within a bout a week’s time triggered high anxiety in my girl, which caused the cystitis to return. Her behavior has stabilized, yet most of her pee puddles still contain some blood. So…it’s back to the vet again.
Samantha Feelin’ Good before all the outside ruckus occurred.
Enjoying Halloween…
Me and my girl, we’re somewhere in between healing and healed. Feeling good, but not great; feeling great, then feeling bad; riding out a plateau, then finally moving forward. We’re stumbling along the healing track together sometimes getting derailed, but we have each other, and together, we’ll get there.
Photo courtesy of Tarek Jadeba
In the meantime, we’re having some joyful moments! Enjoy Samantha’s first video in the last scene.
Samantha turned 2 on November 20th! Happy Birthday, Baby!
I was able to help decorate a Christmas tree for Blue Bell at Sawdust Festival’s Winter Fantasy!
Blue Bell’s tree won 3rd place in the tree decorating competition! Standing with Jenna, Blue Bell’s assistant director on the left and fellow volunteer Terri on the right.