As I became conscious before opening my eyes, I instinctively reached for Bobcat. He was not in bed sleeping next to me. He must be standing guard at the front door or reclining by his scratching post, I thought. I anticipated that any moment I would hear him clawing at the scratcher or the click-clack sound of claws on the hardwood floor.
Within seconds of those thoughts, in my pre-dawn haze, I remembered that Bobcat was no longer with me. Just the day before he’d joined his best buddies, Topper and Lexington in Heaven. Over the course of three days after an advanced kidney failure diagnosis resulting from diabetes, Bobcat slowly started to succumb to the inevitable. Before he got any closer to suffering, I called Home Pet Euthanasia of Southern California. On Friday afternoon, January 15th, Bobcat’s spirit was peacefully set free from his dying body.
Lexington and Topper
For the first time in thirty-three years, I’m without felines in my household. I’m a cat lady with no cats. Having had two or three cat companions in my life for all these years, and now, being completely alone is jarring to my soul.
Three Cat Night. From the top: Topper, Lexington and Bobcat.
Mornings are the hardest without Bobcat. I miss his good morning greetings of head-butts and “kisses” on my forehead and cheeks.
Early this morning I walked out to the old picket fence enclosing the yard to take in a stunning view of the full moon nestled in storm clouds. While moon gazing, I thought of Bobcat. He would have been standing right there next to me in the lemon clovers if he were still here.
Magical Moon
Not wanting tears to ruin my view of the beautiful scene in the sky, I stifled them. But as I walked back towards the cottage, tears started to slowly run down my face. Tears of sadness, yet, I smiled thinking that Bobcat’s precious spirit was with his compadres, Topper and Lexington, flying in the clouds and saying an enthusiastic “Hi Mommy!” to me from the moon.
I was in the midst of writing an entirely different story before I became a cat lady with no cats. I wondered how I would continue writing about my life with cats—sans cats. My mom and cat lady friend Gail both reminded me that I’m still a cat lady and have stories to tell. So I will continue my stories about Bobcat and other cats who were, or are still in my life. And once I’m past the grief of mourning; once I’m rid of cancer and I’m back to my lively self, I will have more stories to tell about a new feline family member…or two.
Photograph courtesy of Rachel Ault
To my precious Bobcat (who also responded to nicknames Bobby Cat, Bobba, Bobba Cat and Bibbidi-Bobbidi as called by friend Laura who thought him to be quite magical), thank you for your unwavering love, companionship, and for being a strong healing source in my life throughout my dealings with cancer.
I will miss you forever.
XOXO
Love it dear Pamela!
Oh sweet Pammie. This has all been so difficult but through it all your spirit continues to shine. Your babies may no longer be there, but their memories and the joy and comfort they brought to you will live on. Please continue to write. Sending hugs and love to you and my heartfelt sympathy for the loss of this very special friend. Get well and then I will personally accompany you to a nearby shelter where you can select a new baby who will be one of the very luckiest little creatures to have you for his or her mom. ❤️😘❤️🤗❤️
Robin, so sweet! Thank you.
Thank you dear Rachel! xoxo
We are so sorry to read of Bobcat’s going. We send you purrs and purrayers as you miss him and his buddies and continue your own battles.
Thank you so much.
I am so sorry that you have lost Bobcat, Pamela. I know it’s very hard to lose kitties, they are so much a part of our lives and I still miss all of mine who have gone to the Rainbow Bridge. This is a beautiful tribute to your kitties, may you find comfort in good memories.
It is soooo hard! Thank you, Leah.
I’m so sorry about your Bobcat. Thats a lovely sequence of photos, though!
On Sat, Jan 30, 2021, 12:45 PM Cat Lady in the Canyon wrote:
> CatLadyintheCanyon posted: ” As I became conscious before opening my eyes, > I instinctively reached for Bobcat. He was not in bed sleeping next to me. > He must be standing guard at the front door or reclining by his scratching > post, I thought. I anticipated that any moment I wou” >
Thank you, Jim.
I am so sorry for the loss of your handsome boy. XO
He was so handsome! Thank you.
This is so very sad. Condolences, Pamela. Bobcat looks like my Squeaky I quickly lost years ago.
Awww, Squeaky. Sorry for your loss. Thank you.
I’m heartbroken for your loss of sweet Bobcat. Sending lots of hugs.
Thank you so much. Seeing your cute clowder has helped me get through these rough days.
So sorry to read this sad news about Bobcat. But you will be for always a CatLady with the cats living in your heart. I hope you can find some comfort in all the beautiful memories of your furry friends.
Thank you, Herman! I do find comfort…and tears, still, but they will subside eventually.
Dearest Pamela, your beloved Bobby took such good care of you and your selfless act was the ultimate gesture of love. Just as he brought you healing and comfort in your return to health, you gave him peace and ended his pain. The bond between you will never be broken and your love will be paid forward with your next devoted felines. You have earned your place in the Cat Lady Howl of Fame. I cannot wait to keep on reading. Just brilliant.
Oh Gail, so beautifully stated. Thank you!
Pam you look beautiful, radiant and joyful. Bobcat was such a cutie. We hope there is a new kitty in your near future. Sending you big hugs and gobs of love, Suzanne & John
Suzanne, thank you for your kind words! xoxo
so sweet and hearty goodbye! such beautiful words…it’s always hard to let go. Carlo, my 19 year old cat who looked similar, recently took the road to the rainbow on 12/1 with a last breath. he suddenly went after the morning toilet in just a short 5 minutes with heart failure…something is different now a days and sometimes you can still hear his noises as if ghosts were on the way….stay safe, dear Pam…have agood week!
Thank you. Sorry for your loss! Carlo must still be with you in spirit.
I don’t think I met Bobcat did I? And, I’m sorry for that. You always attract the best feline’s. Sending you a big hug and know I understand your sadness. But, I also know you won’t be alone for long my friend!! ❤️
Mary, I’ve lost track of time. You may not have met him. So sorry you missed out. He loved people and was very social and sweet. He would have adored you! xo
I so understand how you feel. I lost the Moon kitty a few months ago, and I don’t think that emptiness is ever going to go away. They get to us so deeply because they are just so pure of heart, I think. Hugs to you, Cat Lady.
Oh, Moon! So sorry for your loss. The still emptiness is so hard. The do dive in deep into our souls… hugs back to you.
I’m finally reading this and I am so sad Pamela. But I agree with your mom and Gail that you have endless kitty stories that are just waiting to be told. And how many more memories are waiting to be created with your future kitties. Can’t wait to see what the feline future has in store for you! 😻
Thank you for your encouragement! 🙂
So sorry you lost your beloved Bobcat. Things always happen for a reason and he is now in Heaven running wild in the grass with his buddies leaving you free for your journey.
Annie, what a beautiful sentiment! Thank you so much. I still miss him even thought I’ve adopted a darling new baby-girl. Bobcat was such a force in my life.
Thank you for reading!
Warm regards
Cats are such wonderful companions. Mine have always “come to me” into my yard for instance and I would investigate to find out that they needed a home. They have all taught me a different thing about life…or one was looking for a gentle, loving home which I provided. My Missy all of a sudden one night had seizures and she was so scared. I stayed up all night to be with her for any more and knew it was time the next day for her to cross Rainbow Bridge. Thank you Pamela for sharing your story which I received from the animal communicator you talked with. Lots of love to you and your kit kats.
It sounds like you have a special connection with felines–thank you for sharing about how you’ve come to have kitties in your life. So sorry about Missy! The loss of our cats is so devastating, but the relief in knowing that they are set free from their ailing bodies is joyful. And I believe their spirits continue to visit and stay connected with us. I’ve written about those instances too.
Thank you again!